Being The Childless Aunt At Christmas...
The holidays are always an emotional time for people and while I am a huge family person it has a certain air of sadness for me as the childless aunt of the family. I enjoy giving gifts , eating breakfast and making memories but every time I pack up my car, drive to friends and family's houses for our usual ritual there is always the moment in the car that brings me to tears as I realize that no matter how much I love them the kids I am going crazy to find thoughtful gifts for will never be mine. Remembering who likes what and thinking of what will bring a smile to their faces I realize that when the paper is crumbled and the boxes all opened I will get back in my car and ride home alone. No little hands reaching for the tree lights, no bed time routine filled with excitement over the days festivities, and no quiet moment of reflection on the memories my child will have with family on this special day. Now don't get me wrong I am grateful to the friends who have become family and let me share in Christmas joy but there is always that bittersweet truth that I am the childless aunt. The comments of ,"one day it will be you" or "This toy can one day pass to your kids" all the while inside I'm screaming because the reality is my one day may never actually come. Yall are family so you know my struggles with both fertility and carrying so I live with the somber fact that I may always be "that aunt" that everyone says will make a great mother but truly never really knowing if that will come to pass. The smiles my God kids and nephew give dry my tears and the gifts they choose for me all on their own remind me I am loved and for that I am blessed so I simply ask during these holiday seasons you remember those who want but for whatever reason cannot have give them an extra hug today not in pity, or in conjunction with a "one day" but simply because you love them and you know that they love you and despite the circumstances they move past their pain for the smile on your babies faces and the joy they are capable of bringing. From me to those women I love you. Your special. God places you where he does because your love is worth sharing. Those children love you and most of all you are a gift.
