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Well Hello There..lol

Welcome to my blog! Here you will find all things motherhood, women's life and the inner workings of the complex mind that is me! I say Welcome Enjoy and next time bring a friend lol!

Its A Man's World....

Its A Man's World....

Well not literally but honestly some days it feels like it is. I had a week straight where it literally felt like I was on marathon episode of Punked only there was no Ashtin and no viewers to share my outrage.  Let me give you some context. So being that we discuss everything (because my mom rocks), I called my mother to inform her that I, her normally very put together eldest child was officially giving up. You heard me GIVING UP! I work in Healthcare IT which if you didn’t know is a very male run industry. Now it is not male driven, or male saturated but extremely male dominated. This means I work daily with many women from nurses, techs, programmers, etc. but the person in charge is most times, you guessed it, a man. Of the many companies I’ve worked for over the last 11 years (remember 11 it will be important later) most of them had female PM’s (Project managers) but senior leadership and execs are almost exclusively male. This is a fact that is kind of ironic seeing that the top software in the industry was created and run by a woman! Anyways this week I realized that despite my extensive resume, great service, education, and overall work ethic men still feel like they are entitled to more than me simply because they are men. To be told in front if my staff casually as if I shouldn’t find it insulting that,” the only reason I can see that they promoted you over me is because it looks better on paper because you have a FEW more projects than me,” when in reality I was promoted because you embarrassed the company in front of the client, I have 10+ YEARS more experience, and let’s be honest it’s because I am more knowledgeable medically. Yet the realization hit me that he really believed it was a political decision.  That because he was a guy and they are friends (my boss is his bestie) his indiscretion shouldn’t matter. So, me being me I had to investigate the circumstances and that’s when more misogyny than I can stomach came to light and the sobering question of, why wasn’t I first choice to begin with was answered. This same man seeking my SYMPATHY says,” we are boys, we have been for over a decade he’s supposed to put me on, and I put my friend on and we make it together, this is unfair that I’m not being allowed to show and prove over nothing at all. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! You expect me to listen to say you want to excel without paying dues, having any experience, and ZERO polish and feel sorry for you??? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! As women know these situations happen every day that the good ol’ boy attitude trumps an impressive resume when it’s attached to a vagina. But what is worse is the actual honest expectation men have that as women we are supposed to not only readily accept this standard but feel remorse when things backfire on them. If it wasn’t so sad it would be laughable. In a job I sacrificed health, memories, relationships, and self- esteem to be great in the idea that men will continually push each other to the top despite inadequacies most days makes me sad but this particular day it PISSED ME THE HELL OFF! With my mom on the line I began to rant and rave about social inequality, glass ceilings, gender bias, unequal pay, and anything else that had a penis at the root of the problem and when I finished I felt better, and then my notifications went off. Lord I couldn’t take anymore and as I read the words,” Are you a woman first or black first,” my head felt like it might explode! I replied in very angry fashion pointing out that only men get to ask that question because in their universe a woman can only be one thing. A woman can be a CEO OR a good mother, a star athlete OR a feminine woman, no one questions if a man is one thing or another but that is because them being a man is set in stone, it’s not debatable despite what they have, or have not accomplished, possess or deserve, being a man means being able to say it is fact because I deem it so. After this exhaustion bed was in my future because like most women I had to get up and do it all again knowing if I slack because of circumstances I will reinforce the idea that I am inadequate for the job. If I speak on it I’ll be an “angry black woman”. If I cry about it I’ll show them women are too emotional to lead. So, I went to bed knowing I had to brave this male dominated shit show called a world again in the morning with only my mother’s final words to me in my head,” You are strong, you are capable, and this is just a moment too small to hold your greatness. I’m proud of you every day and that is what matters.” (sigh)

Your right mom as usual….  

Is it chance or destiny????

Is it chance or destiny????

All Hail The Tribe!

All Hail The Tribe!

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